There are serious problems, lies, and deceptions in the church that are undermining its ability to represent Christ and fulfill His intentions. These deceptions create much of the spiritual abuse that abused Christian are subjected to. Four of those problems severely impact abused women of faith: bible mistranslations, misogyny, power and the hierarchy church structure, and a refusal to define evil from God’s perspective.Read More
“God allows abuse to happen for a reason” “God is in control of everything (and therefore, everyone)” “God suffered, so you need to suffer too” “Because God is faithful, He will heal your marriage”
Have you heard these lies from Christians when you’ve tried to get help with your emotionally abusive marriage? It’s time to look at the misinformation and brainwashing we’ve been subjected to about who God is.Read More
“It’s gossip to talk about abuse.” “You need to love your husband unconditionally.” “Love covers a multitude of sins.” “Keep no record of wrongs.” “Think on good things.”
Women are being told how to be “godly” in their marriage by pastors and well-meaning Christians who don’t understand psychological and emotional abuse, or how God’s wants us to respond to spousal abuse. They are telling us things that aren’t true.
The reason we’re susceptible to these lies is because we want to be godly, we want to have a pure heart, and we want to be loving. In fact, we want to be, and are, all the things that they are accusing us of not being.Read More
“You have to forgive him because God forgave you.” “He said he was sorry.” “You need to forgive him and put the hurt behind you.” “You’re just being bitter.” “It’s a sin to be angry- you need to forgive.”
When we hear these accusations, we get incredibly confused and start condemning ourselves. We WANT to be Godly, to be forgiving, and to be loving. All too often, rather than supporting us, our advisors and friends create a landmine of accusation that adds to our betrayal and heaps condemnation on us.
Those who accuse us are asking to give up our own safety and sanity to be a “good Christian” because they don’t understand what forgiveness really means in the bible. So let’s look at what forgiveness means, and the lies we’ve been told about it.
Am I really being abused? Why do I keep wondering? Why do I constantly doubt myself? To make good choices for yourself and to fully heal from abuse, you need to understand what is happening in your mind and in your brain that causes your confusion.Read More
Have you ever wondered “Why did I attract / choose an abuser?” Have you wondered if you’re co-dependent? Have you been reading articles that encourage you to do deep soul-searching to find your part in being abused?
Ouch! Take a deep breath and read on because I want to set you free from that guilt and self-blame. You’ve had enough of it from your abuser (and probably from your church).Read More
You were abused because you were targeted by a character disordered, skilled abuser who presented a false persona to fool you into trusting him. Everyone is vulnerable to covert abusers because they are experts at their game. How many people in your life believe your abuser’s a great guy? Probably almost all of them. Are they all co-dependent? I doubt it. Do they all have the traits that you blame yourself for having that “caused you to be abused”? I doubt that too.Read More
Will he change? What does real change look like? What can I do while I’m waiting to see if he’ll change? True change is not just promises of change or small changes in behavior. True change is a transformation of personality and character. I’ve seen it once and here’s what it looks like.Read More
Do you know why it's important to learn about the covert tactics that are being used on you? Because this is absolutely the fastest way to get out of feeling crazy. These tactics frame the ongoing, secret mind games that are meant to systematically manipulate your psychology and emotions. Covert abusers cloak these tactics in concern, love, charm, praise, fake empathy, trustworthiness, smiles and pretending to be your biggest supporter. They are under the radar and hidden so that you, the target, can’t easily identify what’s going on.Read More
Being abused rocks our faith and understanding of God. We often experience secondary abuse and betrayal by other Christians that is devastating. As we face the evil of abuse our worldview crumbles and we feel like we are reevaluating everything we believe. What challenges have you faced?Read More
These are the resources outside this website than can be very helpful in understanding and healing from covert abuse.Read More
Essential reading to understand the covert narcissist and covert abuser, and how to know if he’ll change. After reading this you’ll know that it wasn’t your fault and you’ll see how you were set up to be victimized. This article will explain your life to you, give you strength, and begin to set you free!.Read More
How Do I Accept That My Worst Nightmare Is True? What Do I Do Now? My Life Is Turned Upside Down- How Do I Deal With This? How Can I Fix Things? How Do I Set Boundaries With A Covert Abuser? Why Did This Happen To Me? Did I Do Anything Right? What Does Healthy Look Like?Read More
Your world has been spinning around in confusion- this roadmap of the stages of healing you’ll go through coming out of covert abuse can give you some solid ground to walk on. What stage are you in?Read More
PTSD can take many forms: anxiety, fear, terror, brain fog, being in a stupor, having a hard time getting off the couch, no motivation, and irritability. Most of the symptoms are probably things that you have blamed yourself for in the past. There are techniques you can learn to handle PTSD when it debilitates you. What helps you calm down?Read More
You know something is wrong in your marriage and you can’t explain it. You’ve read examples and definitions of emotional abuse and they haven’t described your experience. You wonder “Is it me or is it him?” If you’re confused and feel like you’re on a merry-go-round of emotional pain, frustration and self-doubt, it may be from the mind games, gaslighting and manipulation of covert psychological and emotional abuse.Read More