There’s no doubt that communicating with a covert abuser is one of the most confusing things we deal with. All. Day. Long. I’m often asked, “How can I communicate with my narcissist husband?” To understand how, here’s what you need to understand about his goals in all conversations with you, and some guidelines and techniques to use.
Read MoreBoundaries are pretty much useless with abusers and they are not the “solution” that many advocates claim they are. We’re often told that boundaries are how to get our power back but, in fact, an abuser will use them to take our power away.
We all get the point where asking our husband or ex to do or not do something (ie. setting a boundary) just doesn’t work and they do whatever they want.
So what do we do?
Read MoreHere are many examples of the unhelpful advice that is cookie-cutter “marriage advice” that abused women get from counselors and friends who don’t understand abuse (and is pretty shallow even for a non-abusive marriage.)
If you hear this kind of advice, run the other direction, read my blog, and find help from someone who understands abuse!
Survivors answer these questions: How did you come to realize that your husband’s covert emotional and psychological abuse was intentional? Before this, did you believe he was unaware, wounded, or some other thing that made you give him the benefit of the doubt over and over? When you realized the abuse was intentional, how did this change things for you?
Read MoreI’m delighted to once again share the hard-earned wisdom from other abuse survivors. This time I asked the women in my Confusion to Clarity Facebook Community this question:
How did you come to realize that it was time to separate? What helped you make that decision?
Here are their answers.
Read MoreHere’s the wisdom from many covert emotional and psychological abuse survivors about what they’d have done differently before marriage, during their marriage, and when they realized their husband was an abuser. I hope that every covertly abused woman who is reading these words can learn from what we’ve learned the hard way!
Read MoreHere’s the second installment in my Survivor Wisdom Series. Covert abuse survivors share their advice on what they wish they’d done differently during their separation, divorce, and when talking to family, friends and their church about the abuse. They also share what they wish they’d known about the Christian doctrines that kept them trapped in their marriages.
Read MoreI recently asked the women in my Confusion to Clarity Facebook Community this question: “When you were still hoping he’d change, how did you finally come to realize that he wasn’t going to change? What opened your eyes?” Here are their answers.
Read MoreHere are some tips by survivors about things to do to get clarity while you are waiting to see if your abusive husband is really going to change.
Read MoreWill he change? What does real change look like? What can I do while I’m waiting to see if he’ll change? True change is not just promises of change or small changes in behavior. True change is a transformation of personality and character. I’ve seen it once and here’s what it looks like.
Read MoreHow Do I Accept That My Worst Nightmare Is True? What Do I Do Now? My Life Is Turned Upside Down- How Do I Deal With This? How Can I Fix Things? How Do I Set Boundaries With A Covert Abuser? Why Did This Happen To Me? Did I Do Anything Right? What Does Healthy Look Like?
Read More
